This is a personal letter -- reflections in memory of my father. I sent it to Buffalo Joe and I'm hoping that he will print it.

February 4, 2010

Early today my brother Dan called me to inform me that Dad (retired RCMP Bruno Toews) has taken a turn for the worse. He suggested that I come to the Peter Clark Long Term Care Facility to say goodbye to Dad. I picked up my Mom and headed over; Karen arrives at the same time and took Mom up to see Dad.

I caught up to them and got to the room just as they are walking in the room. They stop in their tracks and said 'I think he is passed on'. I walk past them and noticed that he is breathing but his eyes are closed. He was not responsive, he did not respond in any way. My father's breathing was shallow.

After a short time, Joan and RN and a very nice person explained that Bud has not eaten in 48 hours. He was in Palliative Care and they tried to make him as comfortable as possible. Now, more fully understanding the situation we decided to spend an hour or so together.

An hour goes by. I listen to my fathers labored breathing, I can think of no nicer sound. Nurses Joan and Iota come into the room to move Dad from one side to another to help his circulation. Iota is a Pentecostal from Jamaica. She comes into the room talking to Dad, saying in a very kind way things like '... Bruno soon you will be with Lord'.

She caressess his face gently, then she would say;'...'Bruno when you get there say hello to Saint Peter for me '...Bruno, Bruno you are such a good man, you will be before the Lord shortly, you are so lucky Bruno.” I was a little taken back and Iota sensed this and came over to me and very gently said: 'I don’t care what people think, I love the Lord and your father is a good man, he will be with the Lord this day or the next.'

A few days earlier I told Judy the RN that I was concerned about one thing in regards to my Dad's passing. When I was a young man of about 20 and my Dad about 50 we had a discussion about the end. I was questioning him and his faith, so he informed me quite seriously that he was going to drink and smoke until the day before he died, enjoy life to the fullest and then he would accept the Lord on his last day, the Lord would forgive him and he would have eternal peace. Until that time, what was the point of allot of religion anyway, what mattered was how you lived!

Well here we were and it was concerning me that his plan would not be fulfilled.

I also explained this to Iota and she immediately stated in a no nonsense Pentecostal, Jamaican kind of way that she would make this right. She walked over to Bruno who up to this point had been unresponsive, he was laying quietly, breathing slowly, sometimes with his eyes open, sometimes closed.

She walked up to him, kissed him, combed his hair gently and rubbed his cheeks gently and said with a sense of purpose and determination; 'Now Bruno, soon you will be with the Lord, are you are going to accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal Saviour? If you are going to blink your eyes to let me know, now do you accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal Saviour Bruno?

My father; who up to this point was more or less unresponsive; closed his mouth, opened his eyes wide and closed them once firmly, then opened them and looked back into Iota’s eyes. Iota raised her arms and said 'Praise the Lord, calling out to Joan, the RN, she ran out of the room to grab Joan and then came back into the room and gave me a big hug, I hugged her back. Joan smiled knowingly. Joan said 'Iota is okay.' I was filled with a real sense of purpose, a job done. And from that moment on I was happy knowing that my father was at peace.

After Iota’s hug she looked at me deep in the eyes and said to me in rapid succession. “Your father will be in heaven soon, no doubt, God will accept him, he is a good man”. “Now Ken if you want to be with your father you must accept him as well”. I smiled and looked Iota strait in the eye and said, “I am going to continue to drink and on my last day I will accept the Lord Jesus Christ as my Saviour, I sure hope you are there”.

Iota smiled and laughed and said very well, that was very good, it was good enough for her; that was a 'yes' in her eyes. I smiled and thanked her and with another hug and then a kiss on my fathers cheek she left, in the process I had somehow fulfilled an obligation I had to my father.

As I write this it is 10:00 o’clock at night, I am writing this for my Aunt Elma, my fathers older sister. I came home earlier in the evening, I had called Elma given her an update on my Dad’s condition, along with the story of Iota. Elma said she knew some friends of my Dad who would like to hear this story, so I told her I would type it up and send it off.

My father's Mennonite faith, did not sound the same as Iota’s, both of which are very real. My father’s faith I believe was quite strong, it was demonstrated in just as forceful a way, just differently.

It was expressed by a father who was always there for his children; Elizabeth with Downs Syndrome, three others with diabetes, it manifested itself with a strict discipline, that my brother Bob and I needed, and it was expressed in an unconditional love that I knew was always there.

No matter how much I screwed up I always knew I had a home. I always knew there was a safe port I could always return to. I was lucky to have the father I have. We are both lucky to have met Iota.

My Dad died two days after I wrote this letter. He is buried in Ottawa, Ontario. I miss him.RIP

by a grateful son,
Ken Toews
December 29, 2011

DAD'S OBITUARY FROM THE OTTAWA CITIZEN

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Fort Healy, Canada. Circa 1957

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